Every single time I take a mini-break from blogging it feels like I’ve been gone forever. Welcome back, me!
I believe the last time I did an update was over a month or two ago, which either makes me a bad blogger or extremely boring. My life isn’t even that boring at the moment! I just got back from 3 weeks in America with my lovely boyfriend and his family. It was an amazing trip, and as always after our trips I feel a little deflated. My family and friends have been picking me up a lot though, so that’s good. My boyfriend and I will celebrate our one year anniversary in early October, which I’m very excited for; because my gift for him is amazing. That’s the only reason why.
I’m currently looking for a job (the WORST activity on the planet) again. I left my other job before I left for America at the beginning of August. I’m so glad to not be working there anymore.
Ever since I left, I feel a lot more confident and happy about my life. I’m still not great, but at least I’m not there, you know? I don’t mind looking for jobs, but in my area it’s especially difficult. All of the jobs are for caring positions, bar staff, or customer service. All of which I either can’t do, or have done before and hated.
I’m hoping it won’t be too long before I get a job, and I am trying every single day. It does panic me a bit, because I want to make people proud of me by getting a job with normal hours, etc. However, I know that there are other things I can be doing in the meantime to make people proud of me.
I’m currently in the process of starting up a mental health club in my area. I’m working with the leader of an app called ‘Next Door’ which is basically our community app. She is helping me set something up, give me a little bit of funding, and I am also planning on working with the mental health charity, MIND.
My mental health isn’t great. It’s not the worst it’s ever been, just not great either. I’m seeing my doctor on Monday to get back on medication. My anxiety and depression has started to keep me up at night again, and I see things sometimes. I don’t know if it’s stress or something, but no thanks! I also FINALLY got off of a waiting list, a 4 month long waiting list I might add, for a service called iTalk. They’re a service in my area who offer CBT for anxiety/depression/OCD, etc. I’ve used them before and they were very good, so let’s hope so this time as well.
Honestly, I don’t even know where to start. Right now, I’m really wanting to save up for a fancy blog theme. I’m just scared that the money will be wasted if I decide I can’t do blogging anymore. I really love it, but what if I run out of time? Or I just don’t want to, for ages? The theme will go to waste, along with the £40 I spend on it.
I love my blog. I love the logo and the colourings, the writing style is my own, and the views and stats aren’t even that bad for someone who only started their blog in March of this year. But, despite all that, I still compare myself. There are a few massive bloggers on Twitter who started their blog the same time as me and have over 5,000, 10,000 followers! It’s hard to not compare yourself to those people.
I really wish that blogging had turned out differently for me. I had a bit of a rocky start. Unfortunately, I started my mental health campaign at a horrible time in my life – and for my blog. After that ended, I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.
I’ve gotten back onto the train a few times, but recently when my best friend Ella stopped blogging for a while, so did I. She’s been there from the start, encouraging me to keep going. Reading her blogs makes me want to blog.
I think I’ve just lost all creative idea’s. I want to start treating my blog more like a diary, rather than a ‘how to’ guide or a ‘look at these pretty pictures I found’ book. Maybe even start worrying less about SEO and all that crap, I know it’s important to grow…but I just torture myself over it. I gave up with stats a long time ago, I check them whenever I log-on, but that’s it. I don’t even get sad about it anymore. Every day, I read on Twitter about other people randomly getting 9 views a day for a week, as well as me, so I feel less alone with that.
I am going to try harder with blogging. Just in a different way, I think.
I’m not sure how long I’ll be away from my blog again for. It may be 2 days, 2 weeks, a month or so. I just need time to think about what I want to do with it. I want to start tweeting a lot more too. Maybe it’ll even help me come up with idea’s for my new mental health group!
I’m hoping that by this time next month, my life isn’t so ‘up-in-the-air’. I want a job, a stable routine, income. I want to go to bed… before 3am, preferably. I’m looking at you, brain. Anything that makes me feel more like I’m living in the world, rather than just watching everyone else do it.