I wanted to do a little life/MH/Blog update to round this week up. I feel like when you read a blogger regularly, or even if you just notice them a lot on social media; sometimes it’s nice to catch up with what they’re doing outside of blogging.
I’ll start with saying that people on my Twitter (Follow me here) are probably sick of me talking about my statistics, my blog motivation, and whining about my life in general. After my boyfriend left in late May, I hadn’t actually posted anything on my blog for nearly 2 weeks. I hadn’t even thought about it, meaning my ‘blogging brain’ had completely fizzled out and I had no motivation whatsoever. It didn’t help that the last few posts that I put up before my boyfriend visited hardly got any views or interaction. I explained why that’s important to me in THIS post, so I’m not going to explain that here.
I took a few days away from everything after that to clear my head, since being online and around people who are all successfully still completing their blogs wasn’t the best for me. Thankfully, my brain decided to be kind to me and I got enough motivation back to start refreshing my blog. I figured that my content wasn’t quite hitting the mark with my audience – even though I really enjoyed writing that stuff. It just wasn’t the right time for that content to hit my blog yet.
I feel a lot more confident about the direction of my blog now, and after I received a beautiful new header from Soph at GraphicsBySoph, it even looks better! I think the content I’m going to be writing in the upcoming weeks will hopefully allow me to reach my (now more manageable) goals, whilst also being happy.
Outside of blogging, my mental health took a turn for the worst after my boyfriend left in May. I remember in THIS post about my review of April, I said I hoped that the feelings I had felt that month went away after his trip had ended. BOY was I wrong! Nope, not one bit, nada. It came back at about 30000x the force than it had before and now I’m seeing a new therapist. That’s okay though, things happen, don’t they?
I won’t get into any details about my mental health in this post, mainly because it’s all a bit up in the air. There is something new that has been a problem, but I’m just not ready to share it yet. I think it’s because I don’t really believe that it’s happening, so I need to be in a more comfortable position about it before I share it with everyone else. Other than that one thing, it’s the usual feelings of emptiness and numbness. My therapist said that once we sort out the main issue, those feelings should slowly disappear.
Also, I’ve found out that I think I have some sort of anxiety surrounding leaving my dog. I may (I can’t remember that far back) have mentioned it in my April post… however, I think it’s confirmed now. Whenever I’m away from him for a longer period of time – usually 4-5 hours – I get really anxious that something is going to happen to him when I’m away. I think it’s just knowing that he’s around in the house when I’m at home that comforts me. I did tell my therapist about that, and she said she thinks it’s possibly just an outlet for all of my anxiety. It would make sense, considering I’ve been away from him for a week at a time before. Even though I missed him, I didn’t physically feel anxious or uncomfortable that he wasn’t with me.
I guess that’s just one of those weird little quirks about mental illness many people don’t tend to mention.
I am feeling slightly better than I was three weeks ago, but I’m not close to where I want to be either. With the help of my new therapist and getting back into my normal routine, I should be back to normal by August. It’s important that I’m feeling better by August because I’m going to America for 3 weeks! I’ll be visiting my boyfriend and going on holiday with his family, which is going to be amazing.
Holidays, school, excitement!
I finish my job forever on the 27th July, which is a good date to finish with. Even though my job isn’t terrible, I think that it just wasn’t the right fit for me. I’ll be happy to leave, not because I despise the people, just because I need to move on with life and live how I wanted to live it in the first place.
After my trip in August, I’m going back to school! Because I’m 20 and never went to University, I’ll be going back to college to study an access course. That means I can use that course to get into University next year. I’m very excited to be getting back into education, I don’t think anyone really appreciates it as a kid, but now I can’t wait. I’m older, have more experience, and mentally I’m a lot more stable than I was at 16. That means I can handle everything that college and Uni will throw at me… to an extent.
I don’t know what my blog is going to turn out like from here on out. I hope that when I’m at college I’ll have enough motivation and time to be able to keep doing 3x weekly posts. If I need to decrease it then that’s fine, the most important thing is that I don’t stress myself out too much, and I still enjoy what I’m doing.
Anyway, thanks for reading my rambles! I hope you have a lovely rest of your June, wherever you are in the world.