Life Updates Lifestyle Bits n Bobs

I Don’t Know What To Do – and That’s OK.

I’m a naturally pessimistic person. I rely on my boyfriend and my dad for all sources of positivity and optimism because I just… I can’t do it! Okay? I just can’t. I know the things that DO make me happy, and I will run with them. If things go wrong, or things don’t go exactly to plan, is when I start to get miserable.

Aside from what this blog post is actually about – I want to quickly mention where I’ve been. Blogging was really draining me. I don’t know what it is, whether it’s the community, or the physical pressure I put on myself to write blog posts that will entertain people. I think I needed a couple of months to get rid of that stress and start a-new. I’m reading to just write posts that entertain me, and if other people like them, that’s great. Saying that, if you don’t like it, maybe you should be reading something else and that’s OK too.

I guess my pessimism also played a part in my blogging dilemma, along with the fact that I’ve been way too stressed to even try and figure out my life online at the moment.

Anyway…

My life has been one year long rollercoaster recently, and let me tell you, I have hated every minute of it. I don’t know how I’m going to handle the rest of life, since my life has only been mildly unstable compared to what it will be in the future. It’s mainly been issues with my career path, I have been trying to decide between psychology and Floristry for the last few months or so. I only started actually working in the Florist shop that I do work in right now a month ago, but even before that, it has been a long running decision.

I studied Floristry in college and got put off of it, I guess you could call it. I worked in shops that either weren’t very nice to me, or were just not the right environment for someone who was still learning. Thankfully, the shop I’m in now is a perfect starting point for me (coming back from 2 years of absence from Floristry) as the shop only just re-opened. We’re growing together, effectively.

At the same time, this put me in an awkward position. I loved it so much, however I had already signed up for an Open University Psychology degree. The degree is part time for 6 YEARS! That means I won’t be able to work full time for 6 years, along with other problems that I thought the course was worth getting over for. But now I’m not so sure. I think at the time of writing this I am pretty sure I want to do Floristry. Leave it to me to decide on an entire career change 1 WEEK before the degree starts… Good job, me.

My passion for Floristry is a lifelong thing. Ever since I was child I’ve been surrounded by people who love flowers, my grandad, my nan, even my tutors at school shared my passion for flowers. They make me a very happy person, and I’m always excited to come into the shop and see the flowers. I also love the aspect of making something for someone that will make them feel better in return, especially after something as upsetting as a funeral, etc. I’ve been creative for all of my life too. This aspect put together with Floristry, funnily enough, turns out to be a very good combination!

Psychology is slightly different. I have NEVER been an academic person. Ask my family and friends if I’m smart and they’d probably go: “Yeaaaah…. sure!” – or something along those lines. I am very life-smart. Not so much on the maths and science side of things. I have a lot of common sense, and since I have so much life experience in such a short amount of time, I would say that I am usually quite wise and very reflective. I have a passion for psychology, but only because of what I’ve been through. I now feel that if I were to go into psychology, I would be doing it to prove a point to myself, not because I enjoy it.

I don’t know.

I don’t know what I want to do right now. I don’t know what I want to do in 5 years time, or in 10. I don’t think I will ever know what I TRULY wanted to do with my life, even when I’m very old. I thought that meant that I was broken in some way, but I don’t think so anymore. I think it’s great actually. It means that if I do something for a while, and get bored of it, I know that I have the capacity to do other things. I think if I were deadset on something from the beginning of time, I wouldn’t have options when I got older.

Apart from that, all I know about my future right now is that I’m getting engaged at some point in the next year, and that I’m going travelling in September 2019. That’s about it. Yes, that freaks me out very much so. I’m one of those annoying people that needs to plan their life 10 years ahead and then plan retirement, then plan how many children they’ll have, so that they can prepare for the onslaught of decision making. Only knowing those two things about my future absolutely terrifies me.

I emailed some family members for advice on these subjects and my aunt said something very meaningful to me, so I’d like to share it with you to finish this post off.

Whatever you decide always remember that even if things don’t work out and you look back at your decision and wish you had done it differently. “It felt like the right thing to do at the time”.

P.S – All floristry designs on this blog post are by Aster Wild Floristry. They are a Florist student in Australia and I LOVE their works. Please go and check them out on INSTAGRAM.

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