Anxiety and Depression

Why I Disappeared.

Guess who’s back, back again?! The title ‘Why I Disappeared’ is extremely dramatic and yes, I did it on purpose.

Okay, so it turns out, it’s more difficult to post 3 posts a week when your boyfriend visits from America than you think. Who knew?

For anyone that doesn’t know by now, my boyfriend Jacob lives in America (Connecticut) and I live in the UK. For the past 3 weeks he’s been over here in the UK visiting me. I did have loads of posts scheduled for the first week and a half, and I figured I’d have time to write the rest as they came. I was very wrong. Oh, how wrong I was. Hence the lack of posts, social media presence, etc.

I had the most amazing 3 weeks with my boyfriend, we did so many awesome things like visited a castle, went to London, met some huskies, and met up with my best friend. Saying goodbye is the most difficult thing in the world. It hurts so much to get used to having someone around, then suddenly not having them there anymore. It is almost like you’re grieving – because it is a type of loss. Thankfully this time around I don’t have to wait long to see him again. I am going on holiday with his family at the beginning of August.

62 days and counting!

Unfortunately my mental health hasn’t been great either. I thought that Jacob coming over would maybe give me a new start, since I felt rough beforehand. I think the opposite happened and I ended up just pushing everything away for the 3 weeks he was here, as it is so easy to handle things with him here, and now it’s all catching up with me. My mum helped me find a counselor this morning, who is supposed to get in contact soon, so I’m hoping I can get some sort of help. Ever since the NHS denied to help me before Jacob visited, I’ve not felt great about reaching out for help.

I also managed to somehow get into hospital for 3 days during Jacob’s visit, with suspected sepsis due to some sort of infection in my abdomen. I’m not having the best luck at the moment, as you can tell. Hopefully when things can get back into a routine, I’ll feel a little better. I do have a lot of upcoming things to look forward to, like seeing Ed Sheeran in concert in a couple of weeks and planning my room design for college which I’m starting in September.

I’m planning on starting to get my blog posts back up and running for 3 times a week as usual. I have a new series starting tomorrow, as well as carrying on my “Dear…” letter series. I’m also thinking of new ways to branch out on my blog, and updating my theme. I’ve come to realise I was extremely obsessed with the stats of my blog. I thought I was doing really well in my first couple of months. However, I started to really compare myself to other ‘start up mental health blogs’ and got myself into a rut. I think that’s quite a common problem among the community.

I’m not going to focus on stats very much in June. I do have blog goals and follower goals, but I won’t check them or keep on top of them until the end of June. I need to just blog in the way that makes me happy rather than what I think will get the most views or comments. I’m not really that bothered about it. I just want somewhere that has all of my thoughts down in one place. It might end up being interesting to some people.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with some pictures from my visit with Jacob. Also a big thank you to anyone that has supported me on social media during my break. It means a lot that there is a community who are willing to be there even after you take a break.

If you want to read my last blog post before I went away, here it is: 10 Things I’m Grateful For.

Chaz x

 

2 Replies to “Why I Disappeared.”

  1. I’m glad you had a great time with your boyfriend for the most part! Long distance relationships are tough, I’ve been there but they make the moments matter more. I hope seeing a counselor helps. You look very happy with your boyfriend. I’ve been in the same rut with comparing my stats with other bloggers, and it’s not fun. I’m just focusing on my main goals for the month and focusing on my writing. I’m excited to read your future posts on Ed Sheeran, decorating your room and updates on your mental health if you share. I hope your luck picks up. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Deanna

    deannastilwell.com

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