That graphic was made by me, but it was quoted from something that one of my best friends, Dawson, said to me. (He is very wise.)
Recently, I encountered someone who used to be my friend tell me that I was emotionally unstable, too emotional, and that ‘put them off’; completely out of nowhere, by the way. It would’ve hurt me, if it weren’t for the fact that they added the part about it ‘putting them off’, as if I cared who I put off with my emotions. I said to Dawson that I was confused, sometimes I thought that I fully advocated for everyone sharing and showing all of their emotions. Shout it from a roof top if you have to, as long it’s out there. However, sometimes I felt like I should hide it, block it out, treat it as something to overcome and forget about.
You’re always going to be upsetting someone with the way you’re reacting to things. If you don’t care enough, you’re a bitch or you’re emotionally unavailable. If you care too much, you’re unstable and out of control. So, how are you supposed to react to things like trauma, mental illness, things that physically cause emotional reactions in your brain? I’m fully on the side of emotional, now. After reading the above quote from Dawson, I realised that trying to deny that humans are naturally emotional is futile. We are born emotional, we know what emotion is, and we feel it during every single situation that happens in our lives. Why try to deny that? Why try to push it away, when (usually) it can aid you?
I realise that in some instances, emotional reactions can make things worse. There is a fine line between being emotionally sensitive and being over-dramatic, but I think instead of categorising people and letting them carry on being like that, we should help them. If you think that someone is being unstable or overly dramatic regarding emotion, then gently let them know you think it might be unhealthy. Just say, “I appreciate that you’re a sensitive person, but do you think that’s an irrational response?” It’s amazingly simple to start a mature, healthy conversation over an issue like this. You don’t have to be offensive, you don’t have to make it about yourself, and you don’t have to be mean about it.
Personality is, obviously, subjective. You pick and choose who you want to be friends with in life based on how they react to situations, what their advice is, how they are in general. It is completely up to you, you could have a large group of friends who are just there to have a casual chat with, or no friends at all. I think that’s the beauty of it, if you don’t want to be friends with someone, you don’t have to be. Equally, people don’t have to be your friend either.
I’m glad that the person I mentioned earlier and I aren’t friends anymore, and that isn’t coming from a place of malice. I am genuinely upset that they feel the way they do towards emotional reaction, because I think that will hinder them in the future. However, I can’t do anything about it. I can’t help them if they don’t see a problem, and they can’t help me by thinking in the way that they do.
What I’ve taken away from this experience is that I am emotional, whether it has something to do with my BPD or something else, and that’s okay. I’m allowed to be like that. I’m proud of being like that.
I’m not sorry if that puts you off.